You thought it was the pizza guy / but it was me, Dio!
A It Was Me, Dio! post.
The number calling you looks local. You pick up thinking it's the GP surgery. It's a recorded voice about the accident you never had. The email subject line says "Your refund". You open it with hope in your heart. It's a newsletter from a shop you bought one candle from in 2020. You see a parcel on the doorstep and feel the joy of a gift. It's your flatmate's. It's a bulk pack of toilet roll. You carry it in anyway. The friend who said "I'll just bring a few snacks" turns up with a single bag of rice cakes and his new partner, who you have to be nice to for six hours. **Why it caught on:** DIO's smug reveals, "Kono Dio da!", from Phantom Blood onward, became the fandom's bait-and-switch template: set up one thing, deliver the vampire instead.